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Health Tips
Loss in the Workplace
Simple Strategies for Coping
National Mental Health Association
Just as we've put the disturbing images and overwhelming stress of September 11 behind us, the date on the calendar approaches again. In addition to having to deal with mounting speculation about repeat terrorist attacks, we know we'll also be confronted by round-the-clock, media replay of all the day's destruction and aftermath. The anniversary date, and all it brings with it, will stir strong emotions in all of us. But, it's important to remember, there are positive ways to cope with the stress:
- Do something positive that will help you gain a greater sense of control. Give blood, start a new class, or do something you find especially enjoyable after work. Planning ahead is important to the process.
- Get plenty of rest and exercise. Remember to eat well. Avoid excessive drinking and risk-taking activities.
- If you start to feel overwhelmed by your feelings, ask someone you know for help. It's not a sign of weakness. Talk with a friend, family member, doctor, minister, or religious advisor. Often, talking about your fears and feelings is enough to relieve stress and realize that other people share your feelings.
- Recall other times you've experienced strong emotions and how you handled them then.
- Don't compare yourself to how others around you are dealing with the September 11 anniversary. Everyone experiences and copes with stress differently. Remember not to judge other people's emotions.
- If you have children, encourage them to discuss their concerns and feelings with you. Maybe plan an after-school outing with them that will give everyone something positive to look forward to.
- If you have strong feelings that won't go away, schedule professional help. Naturally, the one-year mark is especially emotional for those who lost loved ones to the terrorist attacks and those only now experiencing post-traumatic stress disorders. People with mental heath problems and survivors of past trauma may especially want to see a mental health professional.
Sept. 11: Helping Kids Cope With A Tragic Date
National Mental Health Association
The terrorist attacks of September 11 were the first, national catastrophe that many of us have ever experienced. This is especially true for our children. For them, the approaching anniversary date triggers a wide range of emotions, whether they reveal them to us or not.
Signs of trouble coping with those emotions may include fearfulness about leaving the house or going to school; loss of interest in friends and activities; difficulty concentrating; persistent nightmares; frequent worrying; talk of death or suicide; increased tearfulness, irritability or anger, and new fears about such things as airplanes, tall buildings, tunnels, or being alone. Children with mental health problems may be the most affected.
Talking to kids about their feelings is a good way to help them cope with their anxieties surrounding September 11. Helping them take positive steps to work out those feelings is even better. For example, to deflect the anxiety of the day, kids could occupy themselves doing something positive for someone else. Volunteering at a pet shelter or nursing home could be a great class project or after-school activity. Planting trees on school grounds is another idea. See what ideas you can come up with together and help kids develop an action plan. Your decision to support them in the activity could be just what they need to deal with the anniversary of this tragic event.
Other Tips, Especially for Parents, Include:
National Mental Health Association
- Take care of yourself. Children model their behavior on the adults around them. If you need to talk about your anxiety, talk with someone (friend, family, religious advisor, or professional). If you need support, ask for it. These are good examples of coping to share with your children.
- Avoid the television as much as possible. None of us need to relive the visual images of September 11.
- Acknowledge that bad things happen even to good people. We can't always explain why. Say that it's difficult for you to understand too.
Other Tips, Especially for Schools, Include:
National Mental Health Association
- Hold an assembly upon coming back to school. Keep the program light but assure students that careful planning has taken place to ensure their safety at school. Give examples of precautions being taken.
- Provide teachers with program suggestions for the Sept. 11 anniversary date. Encourage age-appropriate projects that will help children share their feelings such as writing stories or poetry, art work, even making "worry dolls" they can talk to. Another idea is a class box where they can anonymously submit their thoughts and concerns. Selections from the box would guide future class discussion.
- Hold mental health screenings and programs at school. Make sure you have enough trained professionals on staff to assist, including providing referrals.
September 11, One Year Later: Emotional Care
American Red Cross
Anniversaries of traumatic events can be particularly difficult times for anyone who was affected by the original event. Although we don't know what it is like for you, we do have a general idea about what many people go through. We would like to share that information with you, as well as some ideas for coping with the thoughts, memories, and physical and emotional problems you may encounter.
The anticipated memorial events and extensive media coverage of the anniversary of the tragic attacks of September 11, combined with fears that terrorists may strike again, may bring back memories and create feelings that surprise you in their clarity and vividness. Don't be surprised if such feelings and images surface; many people will be having these reactions. You and your family may experience:
- Changes in your desire for food or certain types of food.
- Headaches and/or stomachaches.
- Disturbed sleep patterns, including vivid dreams or nightmares.
- Feelings of grief and sadness.
- Feelings of depression.
- Feelings of frustration and anger.
- Avoiding places and/or people who remind you of the event.
- Thoughts of suicide.
Don't be alarmed if you don't experience any of these reactions. Both experiencing and not experiencing a change in reactions are normal. However, if you have found that since September 11 all your emotions have disappeared and you feel numb, please do consider talking to a mental health professional.
We have all experienced what is known as a "significant emotional event." Significant emotional events are events so out of the ordinary that they can cause us to change the way we look at things and how we assign value to them. Whether you lived in the New York, Washington, D.C., or Shanksville, Pennsylvania, area on September 11-or were there as a disaster responder-or as a visitor or followed the events on television, there was an overall sense of grief in which you shared. Many who watched the attacks lost, at a minimum, their sense of safety and security.
During the last year, you may have found yourself changing your mind about what is most important in life. While grieving is difficult, it also can be a growth experience. It is important to understand that the recovery process is different for everyone. This anniversary may not be the end of your emotional roller coaster. However, because of what you have already experienced, your ability to cope with events around you may have already been strengthened.
In order to help yourself through this anniversary, and the days to come, there are a number of things that you can do:
- Reflect
- Look back at how far you've come since the attacks. In the last year, your perspective on the incident and its place in your heart, mind and life will have changed.
- Look inward and recognize the challenges you have faced. Acknowledge the courage, stamina, endurance and resourcefulness you have shown. Think about your beliefs and faith, and about the people who have helped you make it to where you are now, as well as those you have helped. Don't be discouraged if you think you should be further along than you are in resolving your reactions.
- Understand that recovery is not accomplished overnight. Every holiday, special family event or change of season has been the first since the attacks, and may have created strong feelings. After the first anniversary, these special occasions will probably not be as painful for you.
- Remember that in difficult times, everyone's emotions are closer to the surface. Forgive yourself and others when you or they act out because of stress. This is a difficult time; everyone's emotions are closer to the surface. But also be certain that your stress does not become an excuse for mistreating others, or increasing your use of drugs and alcohol.
- Talk About Your Feelings
Talking to others who have gone through the same experience can be helpful because they can not only see any visible evidence of the disaster, but also know about the invisible wounds because they may have them, too. If you have considered doing harm to yourself, or know someone who is feeling that way, please talk to your mental health provider, call 911 or go to your local emergency room. Let someone help you find another way to cope with your pain until you can put this event into perspective.
Helping Your Employees Cope with the 9/11 Anniversary
National Mental Health Association
Most Americans were at work when they watched the horror of September 11 unfold. When the September 11 anniversary date arrives, Americans will again be at work, this time reliving the tragic events of that morning. Although each person's reaction will vary in degree, the anniversary is bound to trigger a wide range of emotions. There are many things that employers can do to help their employees get through the day. Here are just a few:
- Mark the day in some way. This date in our country's history cannot possibly be ignored. It has great significance to everyone. Acknowledge the day in whatever way your organization decides, but do acknowledge it. Get input from your staff. Whether it's a special edition of your employee newsletter, a donation to a local group, or simply a moment of silence, make sure that all employees are invited to participate. Make whatever arrangements are necessary in advance to ensure everyone has the opportunity to take part. Everyone should also have the choice of not participating.
- Educate your supervisors and managers in advance about the signs of emotional distress and available mental health resources so they can advise their staff. It's especially important for them to be responsive to employees with special needs, whether it's those who lost a loved one on September 11, someone with a family member in the military, or someone dealing with a mental health or drug abuse problem. Be alert to new employees, who may have suffered a loss or have issues you don't yet know about.
- Respect feelings of employees who may not want to travel during the week.
- Be sensitive to religious and cultural diversity of your staff in all workplace communications. Always promote understanding and awareness about different religions and cultures.
- Encourage communication among employees. Support of coworkers can help employees work through the stress. Allow your employees the opportunity to break from work to talk. Provide a comfortable environment for them to gather. Also provide professional help to those employees who need it, and encourage them to use it.
- Have a professional counselor at the workplace. A professional, or group of professionals, can lead a group meeting and provide individual counseling. This approach can help lift everyone's spirits and give extra help to those who need it. Look to your company Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for ideas on appropriate topics and guest speakers.
- Host a community event. Hold a blood drive at your worksite, collect clothes and household items for a local shelter, or host a special event for some heroes in your community. Doing something positive for others will help everyone feel they have some control over what happens to them.
- Make allowances in your leave policy. Allow people time off who wish to do something positive on this day (volunteering at community organizations, visiting family members, etc.). Activities that help people feel they're making a difference will lift their spirits. And they'll share that improved morale at the workplace.
- Plan for future emergencies. Use this day as an opportunity to create or review your organization's emergency plan. Make sure to involve all your staff. Knowing there's a plan will help promote some peace of mind.
Dealing with Death & Grief in the Workplace - Part 1: Employees
Journey of Hearts
These days, most people spend more of their waking hours at the workplace than at home. People who work together may become close like an extended family. Therefore when a colleague dies or one is grieving a death or a loss, the impact on his/her co-workers can be tremendous and can influence the workplace in a variety of ways. Productivity can be compromised and the dynamics of the workplace can change. When the death is unexpected, in a violent act or an accident, the grief response can be quite traumatic for the survivors, further impacting work.
Grief and loss occurs both at work and home, but these two realms can be difficult to separate. Serious illness and death in the family commonly affect a person's workplace performance. Typically, the grief response results from a personal crisis-divorce, fire, work- related or auto accident; sudden death-heart attack, stroke, suicide, accident, homicide; chronic or terminal health problems, or job termination-layoff, or dismissal.
Each person's experience of loss and each grief response is unique. However there are some common feelings and symptoms often experienced by the grieving. These include: sadness, betrayal, anxiety, fear, mistrust, irritability, guilt, anger, tension, depression, and loss of confidence. Grieving people often develop physical symptoms such as abdominal pain, headaches, insomnia, fatigue, changes in appetite, increased drug or alcohol use, restlessness, absentmindedness, and poor concentration. These emotions and symptoms of grief response can significantly impact a person's ability to function.
Thus, grief can upset workers and hamper the work environment. Unfortunately, most businesses cannot afford to halt production, sales or services to accommodate the grief response. Instead they continue on in the mode of "business as usual."
When an employee experiences a loss or an illness their ability to deal with the grieving process can become even more prolonged if the person does not feel aided by his/her manager, supervisor or employer. Those who feel cared for and supported are more likely to have improved recovery.
Coping in the Workplace with Significant Loss
Management and co-workers may not appreciate the hardship that grief can cause, particularly in the workplace. The grieving worker may find it helpful to send a letter to their workplace informing their supervisors of the loss and allowing them to pass the information on to colleagues. In doing this the bereaved can let people know what is happening and avoid having to tell and retell the story of their loss over and over again everyone in the office.
A death of a family member or close relative occurs and workers are given a few days to two week off at the most for "bereavement leave" to deal with the immediate issues surrounding the funeral. This may not be sufficient time to make funeral arrangements or for the bereaved person to begin to process the grief. The worker is expected to return to work with the grief still fresh. There is also the implicit, societal expectation that after two weeks one should be "over it" and back to normal.
In contrast, another major loss occurs such as the diagnosis of a major medical condition, the breakup of a long-standing relationship, the death of a friend, or the loss of a cherished pet, but these losses do not meet the criteria for bereavement leave. Thus no time (other than "personal days") is available to take off. People are expected to show up keep functioning-business as usual. There is no time to grieve.
Benefits of Returning to Work
- Enables the person to return to a known safe environment surrounded by friendly colleagues.
- Encourages the person to resume a regular daily routine again, one of the recommendations for coping with grief.
- Takes the mind off the loss and enables the worker to feel normal for a while.
- Finishing work related tasks, completing work projects may help the bereaved to feel they are still contributing something as part of a team, thus increase their confidence and raise their self esteem.
Difficulties of Returning to Work
For some people returning to the workplace is an overwhelming burden on them in addition to their grief. They may need extra time off. Once back at work, some workers experience reduced work performance caused by:
- Lack of concentration and memory
- Tiredness from emotion and sleepless nights
- Feelings of depression
- Reduced patience and short temper
Furthermore, grieving workers may also worry they have or will develop a reputation for wasting time, taking too much sick leave, being bad tempered, unreliable, unstable or receiving special treatment.
Grieving workers often worry that they will lose their job from reduced work performance or because of extra time taken from work. They may be tempted to resign for fear of failure or to reduce the dual stressors of work and bereavement following the loss.
Guidelines for Dealing with Co-workers & Grief
Acknowledge the coworker's grief. Let them know you recognize the magnitude of their loss. However, rather than worrying about finding the best words to use, it is much more important to connect with the grieving person. A sincere expression of sympathy, "I'm sorry for your loss," will let them know you care.
Many people are uncomfortable with public displays of emotions. Displaying their emotions publicly and may furthermore feel uncomfortable responding to other's public emotions especially feelings of grief. Those who find tears or expressions of strong emotions unsettling instinctively avoid a grieving coworker; this avoidance makes the coworker feel even more isolated in their loss. One way of handling the coworker whom recently experienced a loss is to write a note or send flowers expressing sympathy rather than sharing the sympathy face-to-face in a conversation at the office.
It is also important to listen to the grieving coworker. Listening requires a little more emotional energy, but it can be very valuable to the bereaved. Each time the person has a chance to tell the story, the loss becomes more real. In addition he/she gains a bit more perspective, which ultimately helps to lessen the stress of the loss.
When Co-workers Experience a Personal Loss:
- Acknowledge the co-worker's grief.
- Let the co-worker know you empathize with the impact of their loss.
- Expect tears and sadness.
- Express sympathy openly and from the heart-whether in person or in writing.
- Expect to listen to the story of the grieving colleague again and again.
- Respect the grieving person's desire for privacy. Honor closed doors and silence in conversation.
- Offer specific and appropriate assistance-cooking a meal, caring for children or pets, helping with shopping or other errands.
- Remember to include the co-worker in social plans. Let them decide whether to accept or decline the invitation.
- Accept less than their best performance from the co-worker for a while, but expect a return to the best over time.
Helping the Bereaved Worker
- Immediately acknowledge the death with a note or flowers sent from management and workers can demonstrate support for the grieving person.
- A workplace representative at the funeral can also convey the company's condolence.
- Asking how the bereaved worker is doing and then listening to their response can be helpful.
- Providing some flexibility in work hours even time off can help the worker cope with the combined stressors of work and grief.
- Being patient and understanding that the grieving process takes time and that the worker will not quickly "snap out of it" will also help.
Supporting the Workplace
- Let the person grieve in his or her own way. If the person finds working to be therapeutic, do not lighten the workload. If the grieving person is slow to move back into work, try to ease his/her workload.
- Accept that the grieving person's moods may be changeable for some time. It helps to be aware that intense feelings can suddenly re-emerge which are beyond the person's control.
- Expect tears. They are a normal part of the grieving process.
- Avoid being judgmental of however the co-worker grieves. Some people may become numb and the grieving process is delayed for weeks or even months after the death.
- Respect the co-worker's privacy, need for solitude and confidentiality.
- Watch out for other employees. Old memories, feelings and grief may be triggered as a result of the co-worker's loss. It may be necessary to honor the old grief separately from the newly grieving co-worker.
- Be careful in sharing stories of your own losses unless you're certain the person can tolerate it.
Dealing with Death & Grief in the Workplace - Part 2: Management
Journey of Hearts
Managers and supervisors must assure that the work responsibilities are being met and at the same time their employees feel supported and valued. Balancing these two needs become more challenging when employees have been impacted by personal and/or job loss, accident, or serious or lengthy illness.
Management may have little to no experience in knowing what to do following a death, illness, or work-related death of an employee, especially in dealing with grieving families and employees.
Make sure the employees are informed about whatever public facts surrounding the loss or death are known including: what happened, plans for funeral or memorials, family wishes, etc. Providing factual information will help suppress any rumors regarding the death or event.
It is also helpful to let employees know of resources and grief counselors that can help cope during the stressful times. If possible, employer-provided professional grief counselors should be made available. Counselors specializing in grief can support employees and management with their grief and help restore order in the workplace.
In addition, employees, drawing on their friendships, can support and share with each other. They should be encourage invited to participate in expressions of condolences to families and loved ones. It may be helpful for someone who knows the family well to be the contact person in the workplace. This person can talk to the family about what they want, and how best to achieve it, while also considering the needs of the company and its workforce. For families dealing with the death of a loved one in the workplace, the deceased's employer and the claims agent need to be contacted to help in managing the death claim.
Sudden deaths-accident, homicide, suicide, heart attack, overdose-can cause employees to be in a state of shock and disbelief, asking questions such as "what" and "why" it happened. These deaths need to be discussed openly to clarify facts, dispel rumors, and allow grieving to begin. In the case of sudden death it may be helpful to utilize professional grief counseling to facilitate employee meetings.
If the grief impacts many staff members and disrupts normal operations, it may be necessary to arrange for coverage or back-up services to help keep the company or organization running.
Regardless of the cause of death, it is helpful if the management:
- Sends a clear, simple message of support to the grieving person and to other staff to help them cope with the event.
- Maintain an "open door policy" to their staff.
- Provide for a qualified counseling service.
Ways Management Can Help the Grieving Employee
- Establish contact with the grieving employee(s) as soon as possible.
- Ask about specific things you might do to help: Do they want any information shared with others? Do they need time off? Do they need an adjustment in their work schedule? Do they need help with their work?
- Not knowing what to say and feeling awkward is normal. It is important to acknowledge the grieving employee's loss and grief.
- Handle the situation in a sensitive, straight forward manner.
- Ensure time off for the bereaved employee and any closely affiliated associates to attend the funeral. This gives the employee a chance to say goodbye to their loved one without guilt.
- Intermittent tears and sadness are normal.
- Respect confidentiality of personal or medical information unless permission has been given to share it with others. Be sure to find out what can be shared and what is confidential.
- Be patient, compassionate and most of all, available to listen. Anticipate that an employee will need to talk about the loss many times, especially during special dates.
- Don't expect that the grieving person will "snap out of it" or expect their grief will resolve quickly.
- It is important to create an accepting environment where grieving is seen as a normal process that occurs over time, but during which work can still progress.
- Expect the best from grieving employees, however accept less than the best for a time.
- As tasks are re-distributed, be sure to thank the employees dealing with the additional work for their efforts.
- If an individual is not coping well, showing signs of depression or their grieving response is beyond the range of emotions seen in others, seek consultation or refer for counseling.
We remember those who lost their lives a year ago today.
They live in our hearts and memories.
We remember those who sacrificed their lives seeking to rescue and save.
Their courage stands forever.
We remember those who mourn and suffer today.
May comfort and hope be theirs.
We remember those who serve with compassion and diligence.
May their service be a beacon of light to the world.
© 2002 by The American National Red cross
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