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Grandparents as Parents
By Shay Bilchik, President and CEO, Child Welfare League of America
(ARA) - Little J is almost six years old and attends kindergarten. He is a bright, friendly, and active child, but underneath his outward demeanor is a child often afraid to be home with his mom and older brother. Afraid because his mom struggles with an addiction to prescription drugs and alcohol as well as mental health issues. She gave birth to her first child at fifteen, suffers with low self esteem, and has been in abusive relationships that have resulted in Little J witnessing several instances of domestic violence. His dad and mom are separated and dad also struggles with alcoholism, joblessness, and homelessness. He and his older brother are often left alone to fend for themselves. His older brother has a learning disability and cannot adequately care for him.
Because of these problems, Little J has spent much of the first five years of life with his grandmother and now he often calls her mommy. His relationship with his grandmother is the only stability he has known in his short life. Little J's story is very familiar as the phenomenon of grandparents and other relatives raising their children's children continues to grow.
Across the United States, more than 6 million children are being raised in households headed by grandparents and other relatives. As the children's parents struggle with substance abuse, mental illness, incarceration, economic hardship, divorce, domestic violence, and other challenges, these caregivers are providing a vital safety net to children inside and outside of the nation's foster care system.
Nationally, 2.4 million grandparents report they bear the sole responsibility for their grandchildren's care: 29% of these grandparents are African American; 17% are Hispanic/Latino; 2% are American Indian or Alaskan Native; 3% are Asian; and 47% are White. 34% of these grandparents live in households without the children's parents present. 71% are under the age of 60; and 19% live in poverty.
In addition to those children who are in the child welfare system, there are many families who never come in contact with that system but who are providing the critical nurturing role of caregiver.
Raising grandchildren today changes the family dynamics in profound ways. People plan to be grandparents, and not parents to their grandchildren. For many relatives these arrangements are not accomplished without sacrifices. Caregivers typically experience chronic emotional and physical fatigue; family and marital conflicts; financial difficulty, social isolation, including loss of friends, recreational opportunities, privacy, and hobbies; and feelings of anger, guilt, grief, resentment, hopelessness, and anxiety.
These families also need support with some of the most basic needs that many of us may take for granted. Things like enrolling their grandchild in schools, accessing health care, or finding a support group or basic information and referral services take time and present special challenges for these caregivers. Kinship families also need support services such as: day care, support groups, physical and mental health services, educational services and legal assistance for kin caregivers. These services will help support children while they remain in a safe and stable family setting.
When confronted with the challenge of raising children, Grandparents and other relatives should begin to assess their family's individual needs and if they require help in meeting those needs. First, grandparents should determine what resources are available in their local communities:
They should start with their local senior resource center or Department of Social Services to obtain assistance with determining their eligibility to receive financial help under the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program, and other programs such as Food Stamps, Medicaid or Social Security benefits under the Supplemental Security Income program;
Find a local grandparent caregivers support group or contact The AARP Grandparent Information Center or Generations United for state and local information. The local grandparent support or senior center will also assist caregivers to obtain guidance with legal questions regarding the care of their children, child care, respite care, and housing.
Raising kin is not an easy undertaking. Relative caregivers need to ensure their own mental and physical well-being by: getting regular physical exams, participating in a support group or talking with friends, regular exercise, and by taking breaks outside the home.
Grandparents are devoted to and love their grandchildren. They are happy to have them in their homes and are comforted with the knowledge that they are doing the right thing. The children's future depends upon this care.
Additional information on resources to help relatives can be found at CWLA's website.
Courtesy of ARA Content
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